Jade

“So, I walk into this bar - right?”

“Oh cool! I love these jokes.”

“This isn’t a joke. This really happened to me.”

“Okay – yeah. Sorry. Keep going.”

“So, I walk into this bar. I’m walking up to the bar feeling a little self-conscious and that’s when I see her.”

“Who?”

“Well, that’s what my story is about.”

“Right. Of course.”

“There’s a live band, and she’s the lead singer.”

“What was the band like?”

“Pretty great actually.”

“Yeah.”

“So I sit down at the bar and the barman asks me...”

“Why the long face?”

“…what I want to drink.”

“Hehe.”

“I say ‘I’ll have an overpriced beer thanks mate.’" He pops open a green bottle and places it in front of me.

There are about 20 people in the bar most of them male. There’s a guy sitting at a table next to the stage. He’s drinking a martini. I wonder if he ordered it ‘shaken not stirred’”

“Like James Bond.”

“Yes. “

“Did the martini have olives?”

“This singer - she’s gorgeous. Self confident. Full of life.”

“You mean she was hot?”

“The band starts to play AC/DC - ‘Back in Black’.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah that’s what I thought. Even Mr Martini is getting into it. The lead guitarist is going crazy and everyone is having a good time.

And then I realise I’ve seen this singer before.”

“Really? Another pub?”

“No, this was like, my first time in a pub on my own. I’d seen her a couple of hours earlier sitting in this busy place reading a novel. It seemed like a pretty peaceful thing to be able to do. “

“Oh”

“Anyway, then it was over.

She packs up her guitar.

She’s walking up to the bar.

She smiles at me.

I realise I’m staring. So I quickly look away and grunt something inaudible.”

“You were too drunk to talk?”

“Man! No. I’d only had half a beer. You really are missing the point.

So, she puts down her glass and walks away."

“Then what happened?”

“I skulled the rest of my beer and left.”

“Man – that’s not even slightly funny. I have one you’ll love. ‘A horse walks into a bar...'”